Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
