She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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