He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
