i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
