wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
