I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
