kristin has been a bad kristin
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
