i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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