Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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