Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
