There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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