it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The adults are the big ones right?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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