If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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