I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
