if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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