yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
