You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
