Swine flu. Run for my life!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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