i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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