Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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