I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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