Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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