Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
