I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
