he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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