What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
