Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
