well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
