elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I have post one night stand depression
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
