Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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