OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
