You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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