John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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