i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
