My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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