when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
