I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
