Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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