Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
