I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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