I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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