Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
