Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
smell my finger.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize