I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
