can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
