...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
