2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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