I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
