oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize