FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
