Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You made out with two different species that night
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
