Having a random hookup so left but love u
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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