did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
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They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
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My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize