Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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