Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
