the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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