I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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