i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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