Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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