we have pet lesbian snakes
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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