oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize