All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have fence marks all over my body
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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