I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
