Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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