he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
