i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
