If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
